home alone today! finally my first completely free day of the sem (well, ignoring the fact that i have 3 days worth of things to do). no lessons today so i can focus on revision and fyp and term report and quiz on fri. see, told u i have 3 days worth of things to do.
in a rather nonsensical mood, do u ever feel like..you appear very calm but inside you can feel all the jumpy nerves and crazy sparks. hmm. don’t know how to describe. aiya think i 犯贱, when there are ppl arnd, i want to be alone, when im alone, i wish for some noise.
saw this silly quote on my calendar “Apples don’t come looking for the pie. You have to find it.” -__- haha. just because it’s a use of parable doesnt mean it’s more philosophical. if not, i can also say, “Shit doesn’t disappear. You must flush it.” to mean you have to actively do sth to make unpleasant things go away. how zai. mania does come with creativity huh. haha. ok enough. stop talking to yourself.
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one of the psych lecturers said this today..”in the end, all people see, and all that matters, is what you present on the final day. all the drama that goes on before that, nobody else knows.” it was abt our project..cos apparently there were more than a few social loafers in the class. but anw i thought that it struck a chord cos it kinda reminded me of cheerobics. in a way, if everyone can unite based on the same goal for the finale, and be mature enough to tolerate individual differences, it doesn’t matter that things sometimes don’t go as smoothly during the process. it only gets out of hand when there are ppl who aren’t thinking for the team. right?
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what a run.
today was the newbalance real run! and wah lao eh, it’s really a real run lor. hahaha..ok mostly my fault cos i didn’t train for it..kidded myself that somehow can slowly jog and 混 thru it. well, i felt like dying abt most of the time. totally not in shape enough to run it. and i walked abit. buggershit. but it’s really not easy leh..the terrain was so tiring to run on..and when we got to the sand..all i cld imagine was my knee popping out of my socket as i sank in the sand with every step.
thankew to my ninja turtle for sticking with me despite my practically-walking pace. next time u run by urself ok? haha i don’t wana be such a burden. but it was a good 10km experience tgt lah. my first 10km! (during the race i kept thinking it will be my last too. hahaha)
waiting for shuttle bus before sunrise!
yay hall 12 shirt:)
awww. hahah. the original 爱昧动作 .
deadbeat. i want more 100plus!
after the run, had to rush home cos had a cousin’s wedding lunch to attend. it was my father’s side of the family..it’s a big problematic family so we’ve hardly gathered since the grandparents passed away a few yrs ago..it was so strange seeing the pri sch kid cousins now as older teens. changed so much that cldnt really recognise them anymore. and all the uncles and aunties looked very very much older from what we rmbed..it was scary..and quite sad. sigh. at least nex time my brother’s and my family won’t have trouble recognising who’s who at family gatherings since theres only 2 of us.
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girltalk.
i think it’s funny how we can still discover new things abt each other after so long..like today, we learnt that rina takes one hour to bathe because she takes half an hour to……. haha..our yaogui outing today was as per normal..noisy and hysterical. even the staff at soup spoon cldnt help laughing at us when we kept shrieking at each other over duno what. (i think it was abt rina’s stupid bread. hahaha) it’s liberating to be super 三八 and be as annoying as we want occassionally. and i’m glad no matter how old we are, we still act like crazy girls when put tgt. looking forward to another chaotic outing after exams! 
actually i think it’s only natural for girls to complain abt being fat when we get tgt..but i don’t REALLY think i’m fat for a normal person (not cheerleader) lah..so don’t worry jy. i wld love to shave off inches here and there, but i know i’m not anywhere near spilling over into 2 MRT seats lah. still, i desperately need to exercise more! this sunday is the newbalance real run…howhowhow..nv practise at all lor. i don’t want to end up walking halfway..so lao kui. 
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halloweenfun.
people all use each other in some way..don’t they? maybe not use..but with every person you interact with, there must be sth you gain from and sth you give to that person. because if not, you wldn’t be spending time and energy on that person. so i shld be less moralistic. the world isn’t only black or white, it’s mostly grey (like zihua’s face yest, hahaha).
mc bought me a Mr Greedy storybook yesterday cos i think Mr Greedy is really cute. but i was so sad that the story ended with Mr Greedy being forced to eat so much that he learnt his lesson and never ate so much again..and he became thin. WTH. haha..how can. i know it’s supposed to teach children morals and values la..but then that’s not his true self what. if all the Mr Men and Little Miss stories are abt teaching morals, then all the characters will eventually morph into identical, boring lumps. i’m starting to shift to Nietzsche’s idea..maybe we really don’t need that many morals.
ok anw halloween was quite fun..didn’t know it was such a big deal in SG..haha been hiding in my little cave too long. think all cheerleaders appreciate the occasional chance to perform without having to plaster a smile on our face throughout. this was better (and better paying, thank u chibong for the lobang!) than last yr’s gig..this yr we were so awfully made up that we cld be as ugly as we wanted haha. but most of all, it was really nice seeing my old team mates. :)
oh mc and i tried to donate blood yesterday too..it wld have been my first time..and after gg thru all the tests n procedures i hopped onto the bed excited that i was finally going to donate blood. and then the woman told me my veins were too small. (HUH.) so disappointing lor. as i walked away from the area, i met this other lady who just finished donating..and she told me she finally cld donate after six yrs because her veins were too small previously too. haha. if it’s such an impt requirement, why cldnt they just check at the first station where they check blood pressure. sigh. shall try again next time ba..always no luck with blood donation.
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the rain sounds like pee.
i made many bad decisions just now. ended up spending 20 bucks to rush home to make minor changes to a proposal duno for what. when my initial plan was to hang arnd with mc having not seen him all wk and to get dinner at my fav hk cafe. sianness. haha u noe how sometimes ure doing sth and u mess up, i will wonder if maybe im dreaming and i’ll wake up to get to do it properly this time round. like the time when i was supposed to go gym with char and i went all the way to nie and realised i forgot to pack my sports bra.
anyway. i now know why my second toe nail kps dying. i’ve been kicking it and tripping quite regularly..haha..that day i was walking to src absentmindedly and i kicked the pavement so damn freaking hard that i thought i wld break my toe. luckily i managed to stumble fast enough to not fall flat on my face. my arms just flew forward with the impact lor. haha..so funny to see ur own hair swing forward.
ok i think i nid to slp. mc im secretly glad we cldnt make it for movie mob tml..gremlins yuck. all i can picture is them exploding in the microwave. i rather watch chucky than gremlins. through my fingers lah.
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nothing like a trip to trg to make me feel like a thousand pound elephant.
actually i was split abt joining back aces since a long time ago..just that whenever a crisis arose and ppl started asking if we cld join back..i only tell them the half of the story that’s not willing. the reason why i stuck to my original decision was because it best fits my situation right now. time-wise, location-wise, lifestyle-wise, parental wishes-wise, haha.
but on the long journey home tonight..i thought of another reason to add to why i shouldn’t join back. maybe im just too fat and heavy for this sport alr. why kid myself that i can slowly lose the weight..the only time i went below 45kg since sec sch days was when i lao sai for one whole night. hahaha. so instead of secretly toying with the idea of returning before the next comp, i shld really cut it out of my head once and for all. maybe im just not suited for this.
now i duno what possessed me to agree to help perform for thurs. if there was a hole, i wld burrow my way into it and hide there forever. i try to say it’s for the money, but actually no, deep down i agreed to all these because i missed it all. but it’s easier to say it’s for the money than to look dumb, saying i miss cheer when im not suited for it anymore.
u noe, it’s like lusting after an ex who thinks you’re not suitable anymore. hahaha. (oh my, i feel so sad for myself laughing after such a pitiful sentence.)
i duno why i missed 402 lect today. like i told char n yogs, i seriously, 100% from the bottom of my heart believed that lect started at 2.30pm, even though it actually starts at 12.30pm and i’ve been gg for every single lect since day 1. i just dun understand how it cld have happened. like my brain just blocked it out. anyway although i laughed along at how silly it was, i felt so upset with myself for missing class, without even wanting to miss class. of all lectures, i had to have mental block and miss the most impt one.
and so today was a bad day. and i need to get up at 6am tml. and if my psych grp member decides to come up with yet another creative excuse why she MIA tomorrow, i swear i will send her hate mail and visit her in my zombie gear after sat’s perf and throw a pig head into her house.
goodnight u cold world.
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thankful for the weekend.
a new beginning for fyp. as our old plan started to fall apart over the past few wks..i found myself wondering why i was so brave to take the chance to run a campaign. maybe it was a last ditch effort to return to my original dreams of doing PPC before uni ended. now that we’ve revamped with a more do-able idea, i just hope we manage to pull it off. the ultimate winners are those who are flexible enough (yes, not just for cheerleaders, haha) to adapt to any circumstance! we shldnt have to be left with nth after all that work just because ppl take back their words. that’s how the real world works, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.
look at what mc won for me at the arcade! hahaha it’s a pooh calculator la so cute! (ok char, another thing u can laugh at me about.) i kinda wish i had more use for it, but just having it on my desk cheers me up a little everytime i see it!
sleepybug. better get some rest before i embark on the first of my intensive-study-like-there’s-no-tomorrow weekends! well actually that wld be contradictory right..because if there was no tomorrow why study? so we cannot will that to be a universal law. the maxim of studying like there’s no tomorrow could only be an imperfect duty. muahahahs. i wonder how anyone cld just sit at home and come up with such abstract ethical reasoning. some ppl’s brains are just built for greater things than most of us i guess.
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you said you’re busy and i’m busy. did you even ask what i was doing?
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door in the face.
was hit by the blues yesterday. i was as useful as a lump of mud. cldn’t believe i just wasted the whole day staring at the computer, clicking arnd, trying not to do anything. wanted to bang my head on the wall to wake myself up lor. at least a lump of mud wouldnt initiate pointless arguments with the boyfriend. like itching for a fight leh, sometimes. stupid me. 对不起。
today was a bad day for fyp..because now..we are..a lost ship drifting in the open ocean. an unwanted orphan. an abandoned fyp team. SIGH. it’s wrong to make false promises. you guys need to take some ethics lessons.
free Mr Bean vouchers if you come to SCI this thurs, anytime between 1 and 6pm and participate in a quick survey! just drop by if ure free..it’s on the way to Mr Bean anyway! sankew for your help:)
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